Imagine That

In Uncategorized on May 5, 2012 at 22:05

Three years ago I stood over the bodies of my squad mates. A building had just exploded, and I had sent my men in right before it happened.

In that blast we lost one of the finest men I have ever met.

BE had been married. A few weeks before his first baby was born he deployed. Within months we were shipping his remains back to his wife and baby girl.

According to some bitch at Toronto Children’s Aid, I am imaginary. That would mean that BE is imaginary, that his death was imaginary, that the pain and grief of his family is imaginary. That would mean that his daughter doesn’t have a hero for a father, that every night before she goes to bed she doesn’t care that her dad is not there to tuck her in and read her a bedtime story.

So I have some words for you:

Suck my imaginary dick.


What the F, Canada?

In Uncategorized on May 5, 2012 at 13:59

Ok. So sometimes I’m not the most prolific Blogger. But whatever. I’m here, you’re here, and we are going to have some fun at the expense of Ontario, Canada.

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths that people will go to screw you over. Case in point: my own.

Apparently while I have been away, some social worker at the WORLD REKNOWNED Hospital For Sick Children in Ontario, Canada, filed a complaint with child services, Toronto.

She claims that I don’t exist and that my wife is making my daughter buy into the belief that I do, at the expense of her emotional well being. Huh? 

Child services, in an epic display of brain usage, jumped on this band wagon and, after a year, took my family to court, basing their case on the fact that I am imaginary. Say what?

Please note. I am many things. Imaginary isn’t one of those things. Three cheers for North Americas biggest fuck tards.

I have been off playing cowboys and Indians for quite some time, and I hate the hospital for what they did to a colleague of mine, so it isn’t abnormal that this social worker never see my person. Why is it so weird that mom deals with parent teacher meetings and dad stays home to play Xbox?

In the perfect world, guys like me could come home and just be. I don’t answer to the hospital that makes kids sick, and I don’t answer to child services. I can’t answer to the Ontario courts, because, even though I have been named a whole bunch of times in the court docs, I haven’t been named as a respondent. Cuz I’m imaginary, and who makes imaginary people respond?

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it!

In Uncategorized on June 1, 2009 at 17:09

Apparently, in her infinite sexxi hotti-ness wisdom, FG has discovered this blog. A terrible terrible situation, if I do say so myself… She was NOT happy. Luckily, I carry, among other things, a wide variety of flavored prophylactics, for a party in the mouth. When I offered to take her to my quarters so she could go through my stash (It’s got more flavors than Baskin Robbins, I tell her, and I know that she LOVES ice cream!), and pick out a flavor that appealed to her, she politely declined and then proceeded to crush my testicles into dust. It was SOOOOOO eroticly charged out here today… Simply because I thought MAYBE she would want something flavorful to chew on. We’re outta gum.

Worry not, loyal followers! I managed to side step a heart wrenching divorce, simply by asking her how she could be sure that she was the FG I was referring to? I mean, really? Self centered much, sexxi hotti?

I love when FG raises her eyebrows so high that they look like they may disappear into her hairline somewhere. She drummed her fingers on the desk, and, tongue in cheek, told me she was praying for me… Our marriage lives to see another day!

On another, more serious note, AHB has arrived safely at LRMC, Germany, for treatment. ACB is no longer on my list of updates, unfortunately, but I will contact his wife for details.

LA’s husband, the yellow bellied piece of shit, has been located and is just fine, until his soon-to-be ex wife returns home.

LB has arrived safely into our midst, gods help us all. An amazing M to work with, I look forward to humiliating her on this in the near future.

The Lt’s service is next week, in his hometown somewhere in the Carolinas. Still waiting for intel on that.

Please continue to pray for the families of our missing Ms.